And it was awesome.

since i was little, i have always shit a lot. i have been sitting in the toilet for hours since i was 7. shit is always inside my ass. shit just EXPLODES outta my ass whenever i go to the toilet. *shame*

whenever i try to get some sleep, i hear farting noises coming outta my drawrs. i open them, but there's nothing... absolutely... nothing... is there someone haunting me?!?!

jerk off
jerk off in the shower
jerk off in my room
jerk off in the kitchen
jerk off outside my neighbors house
jerk off in the public
jerk off while eating
jerk off while listening to music
jerk off while walking around
jerk off while jumping up and down
jerk off upside down
jerk off while typing/writing stuff
suggested by eightball6219: jerk off in the car (insert shiftstick joke here)
jerk off at teh family reunion
jerk off while celebrating christmas
jerk off while i see santa
jerk off while masturbating
masturbate while jerking off
jerk off while running
jerk off while doing 1 armed pushups
jerk off while wearing my moms clothes
jerk off while celebrating new year
jerk off into a cup adn tell pll its eggnog
jerk off while spinning around in circles ( not teh meatspin)
suggested by deathcross: jerking off while i say, "ZOMG WTF ZOMG WTF ZOMG WTF etc."
jerk off next to little children
jerk off in the wild
jerk off while jerking
jerk off at my friends house
jerk off with sandpaper ( for teh extra friction)
jerk off while watching gay porn adn saying no homo at the end...
jerk off in my room
jerk off in the moon
jerk off in space
jerk off outside my dog's house
jerk off in the pubic hair collectors club
jerk off while beeting up a child
jerk off while listening to your mom
jerk off while walking around in school
jerk off while jumping up and away! weeeeee
jerk off jumping down
jerk off while talking about stuff
jerk off in the jungle
jerk off at teh family once in 100 years gathering
jerk off while celebrating christmas and new year
jerk off while in the toilet
jerk off while fucking a prostitute
jerk off while running to school
jerk off while doing sex
jerk off while wearing my panties infront of my mom
jerk off while talking to a bitch
jerk off in a tunnel
jerk off while spinning around in a rollercoaster
jerk off next to little children and they are all like: ZOMG NICE
jerk off in the wild,wild west
jerk off while jerking off while jerking off combines with juicy tomatoes
jerk off at my teachers hous
jerk off with some cool sandpaper( for teh extra friction)
jerk off while watching porn on the internet
jerk off while sucking cocks
jerk off while taking a MAJOR crap
jerk off while talking to your dad
jerk off while doing homework
jerk off while sucking on a straw
jerk off in the treasure chest (aye aye, mate! it's a bit tight in here!)
jerk off while building a box
jerk off while in a box
jerk off in a bag
jerk off in the prison
jerk off in the basement
jerk off behind the crate
jerk off in front of your dog
jerk off while in outer space
jerk off while moonwalking
jerk off while stealing cash
jerk off while getting dressed
jerk off while eating shit
jerk off while watching tv
jerk off while talking about flowers
jerk off while talking about prostitutes
jerk off while talking with a bunch of prostitutes
jerk off while answering questions
jerk off while questioning to find out answers
jerk off in the sky
jerk off water
jerk off while getting shot
jerk off in your sleep

bitch.

just joking! :D

no, but seriously now.

you're a bitch. biiiitch!........

;)

July 21st.

This is the day my ridiculous, wack, and gross adventure started. i woke up, did what i ussually do in the morning after i wake up, and sat down in front of the telly in my living room. i lived in my parents house that was in a village (that i lived in for 22 years, ever since i was born, but i STILL keep forgeting what it's called, lol) not to far of a city (i know that you wanna know what it's called, but i can't remember that to, sorry). my parents were gone for a few weeks, maybe even months (i can't remember where or why, though). I felt comfident about myself that day. i never felt happier and more relaxed since that time i used drugs. since i was so relaxed and happy, i figured i go do something sexy... i took down my pants and my undies. and then i saw it. i saw... my dick! it was awesome! and the best part was that i could stare at it for as long as i want... i lied down on the bed. i took off my (really awesome) shirt. then i picked up my dick with two of my fingers, and i squized it a bit. then i shaked it. it got slightly hard, but i felt how my dick was increasing every second. i quickly grabed it with my whole hand, and started moving my hand up and down. slow at first, ofcourse. but then, i increased my speed... it felt so good. i put my other hand on the hand i was holding my penis with, and started moving both of them up and down really fast. after a few minutes, i slowed down, and eventually got tired of my elegant hand movements. i was all sweaty. my cock was so huge and long, that if i bend over next to it, i could put it into my mouth. which i did. i licked my dickhead with my tongue, and thought: "i never knew my sausage tastes so good." i knew what i did was sick, but i had no choice. my dick was just too hard to resist. after a few seconds of kissing, licking and sucking my own cock, i put my head on the pillow. then, when i picked up another pillow near me and put it in front of my penis, i started fucking with that pillow. i imagined that the pillow i was fucking with was Jeny, the girl i kinda licked. after 20 minutes of pillow fucking, my own cock sucking, and farting, i put my undies, shirt, and pants back on. i walked into the livivg room and turned on the porn channel. man, that was some hot porn. i was looking at how a guy was doing a girl on a kitchen table, and imagined that it was me doing Jeny on a kitchen table. that would be so awesome... because, ever since the moment i met her, i wanted to do her. i wish that would come true.

July 22st.

when i woke up this day, i first went to the bathroom (like many of you do first in the morning :/). my dick was hard, as it was everyday morning. inside the bathroom, i took of my underpants (i always sleep with my underpants, dunno why) and my dick stood up gently. then i let my pee fall down like a waterfall into a enormous lake. i slowly closed my eyes, and saw the wonderful beauty of nature. it featured a beautiful forest near a majestic waterfall, which was falling from high, rocky mountains into a river, which flowed down stream, sparkling... but then i opened my eyes and realised that i've been standing like and idiot for a couple of minutes with no undies and his cock standing up.

after i got dressed, made breakfast for myself, ate it, watched the porn channel for a couple of hours, jerked off, fuck with a pillow, went to make a poo, and sat in front of my computer screen writing nonsence on newgrounds, i got a really crazy idea. i went to... Jeny's. i dunno why, but it looked like a good idea before i left my house and stood in front of Jeny's door. if you don't want to listen to the whole romantic build up story on how i come into her house, ask her out, ask her out a couple more times, taking up about a MONTH of passed time to ask her out on the date,
not just any date, but the date when i ask her to come to my house and she agrees and we decide to have some fun, then i will tell you the short version. oh, wait! i already did!

August 4th.

Yes, this is the day when i first have sex with Jeny. oh yeah, baby... you know what, about a month earlier, i thought that this moment will never come and i will never get to look at how i'm sticking my cock up Jeny's vagina (at least not in my dreams). but now, it's happening. cool, huh? it's on! it's soooo ON! i mean... i'm on. on her. lol! well, after we came in my house, i lied down the bed. Jeny was in the other room, taking of you know whats ;/. later, she can into my bedroom with only high white stockings (the ones i love the most!), a black bra and black undies, and stood on her knees in front of me.

"are you ready?" she said.

"hell yeah!" i replied

"then give me your hand."

i relaxed my hand. she took it and placed it on her back. then she raised her undies a bit and put my hand inside. i did the same with my other hand. then, i squized her ass. as i kept moving my hands under her underpants and above her ass, she grabbed my head and quickly pulled it towards hers, making lip contact, tongue contact and saliva contact, if you know what i mean. that made squize her butt even more and more. Jeny said:

"oh, i love it when you do that!"

"you mean this?" and i start to rub my hands against her ass.

"oh yes, yes, yes!"

"i love it to!" i start to rub even faster.

"hi hi, that tickles!"

"me rubbing your ass?"

"no, it's your dick tickling my pelvis! it feels good!"

"well, i am hard." i blushed.

"aw, your hard because of me?"

"yup, baby. you are really hot!"

got milk? because i just ran out and i don't have a cow, man.

Hi, people. my name is Bob, and i'm about to get in a big mess. today, me and my friend Nick were talking.

"hey" said Nick.

"hey, sup"

"well, i got a new girlfriend, her name is Jeny."

"is she hot?"

"more than hot. she's FLAMING hot. from her huge tits to her huge ass."

"lol, sounds like you scored big time. have you two fucked already?"

"yup, two times. it was awesome."

"and also, let me guess. she has already tasted your dick, hmm?" i said, winking.

"yeah, lol. it's like, her favorite thing to do when we're having sex. she pushes my cock against her face, forcing me to wedge it into her mouth. then, her tongue and lips do all the work."

"nice."

"you should really meet Jeny, she's awesome. why don't we all gather up at my place tomorow afternoon, huh?"

"sure, i'll come."

Tomorow, i went to Nick's place. Jeny was already there. i sat down fast.

"so, you must be Jeny. nice to meet you." i said slowly.

"and you must be Bob. Nick has told me about you."

her voice was beautiful. i couldn't believe that she was talking to me. my tongue was burning, blocking my words, i tried to reply, but hearing her voice made me lose my focus. i was thinking of some kind of diversion to distract her from seeing me, so that i could feed my eyes on her hot body. i am thankful at Nick for doing it for me when he said:

"sorry guys, have to go for a couple of minutes. meanwhile, i think you should get to know yourselfs better." and then he steped out the room.

i stayed silent for about five seconds, then i tried to cough out something, but i kept blocking myself. i put my hands on the table, taping my finger at rapid speed. my hands were all sweaty. when i raised my head to look at her, i noticed she was looking right at me.

"are you ok?" she said, raising her eyebrow.

"yeah, yeah, i'm... i'm... pretty good... uhhh..." i said with constant blocking. my throat was itching, my mouth was burning, and my head was somewhere droped on the ground. "so, Jeny... i was thinking... why do you like Nick anyway?.." i spoke, not believing my words.

"well, i think he's pretty cool."

"uh, Jeny... i promised Nick i wouldn't tell anyone this, but... i want to know his discustingly gross secret." i said, lieing as much as i could.

"i think that Nick wouldn't like you telling me his gross secret, whatever it is."

"yeah, but don't you... want to know that guy better?.. besides, he would never find out if you don't tell him."

"i guess you could tell me."

"well, whenever he... meets... you, he takes a crap, and puts all his shit into his underpants, so that his penis would get all shitty, and then wants you to suck it and stuff..." i lied, looking right into her eyes, hoping that she wouldn't catch onto my dirty, dirty lies.

"what king of shit are you messing up here, dude?" she said quickly.

then my mind got blank, repeating the last thing she said over and over. i stayed silent for a long time, sweating uncontrolably. when i decided to focus, i started speaking, slowly.

"Jeny, i was just trying to say that why do you date such a loser like Nick, when you can have a hotty like me, eh?" i said. and when i did, i blamed myself for doing so.

"wow, you're pretty brave for saying that to my face, creep."

"but seriously now, Jeny. is Nick really the one you wanna date when there's a guy like me right next to you?" i started to focus with every word that came out of my mouth.

"hmmm... you know what, Bob? you're bad... and i like bad boys like you... that's why, from now on, i'm yours."

i couldn't believe my ears. i kept repeating to myself: was she really saying that? and, when i thought about the stuff that Nick would say if he could hear this right now, i went crazy. i was really worried about the thought that he would be listening to our every word behing the door. Jeny wrote something on a piece of paper she took out of her pocket.

"here's my number, Bob. call me anytime, and i'll be right over. then, we could have some fun..."

"sure, babe." i said, and with me ending the word "babe", Nick suddenly walked in the room. i quikcly hid the piece of paper with Jeny's number on it in my pocket. Nick sat down next to Jeny, and whispered something into her ear. Jeny winked to me, and hopped onto Nick. they started to kiss like crazy, and i slipped out right before they start to take off their clothes.

hope no one minds about me posting a little comic called "the killin' machine" where a guy kills another guy.

me has new art! and i think it's quite amazing :D next is comic made out of boredom 3, it's gonna have about 3 parts. it's gonna be huge (much like my wiener)!

Tomorow, i was really unfocused.

[part one: getting ready]

it was a warm summer night, and i was sitting in bed. then, my partner came into bed with me with only wearing awesome pink striped underware. at first it made me hard. but then i settled down a little.

[part two: cock suck]

i went into a possition most comfortable to wedge my cock into her mouth. at first i did not hurry, but looking into that babe's naked boobs made me excited, so i speed up. it was awesome. i managed to slip my sausage deep into her mouth. i felt her tongue licking it a little. i also felt her slowly breathing into the top part of my penis. my dick was already hard, so it made me easier to wedge it into her mouth. it was very enjoyable. i slowly sliped my dick back away. it was pleasingly wet. my partner's sight was set on my penis, and i understood what she wanted. i slowly wedged my sausage in her mouth one more time. she extendet her tongue and licked my balls a couple of times. i saw that she liked that, so i raised my penis a little bit in her mouth to let her extend her tongue more. she was licking my balls quickly. her tongue was soft, and it gave me pleasure. then she grabed my cock with her lips and slimed it with her spit. i slipped my dick in and out a few times. her arms garbed my bottom and shaked it a bit, making me wedge my weiner faster. she liked that. i was focused, but i couldn't get my eyes of her naked body. it's what gave me a boner. i saw that she was enjoing me wedging my cock into her throat. she elagantly licked my dickhead with the back of her tongue. she tried everyone of penis sucking ways. it was amazing. looking into her juicy tits kept increasing my already hard sausage, enlarging it and making me speed up. before i knew it, she was already moving my penis back and forward herself. in and out went my dick, moving at a 50 miles per hour speed.

[part three: her hot tits]

i slowly moved in, trying to grab her tits while she was busy with wedging my big, hard cock into her mouth. i extended my sweatty hands grabbed her nipples. when i succeded, she smiled and speed up moving my dick back and forward in her mouth. that was unexpected, so i squized her tits a little bit more. i saw that she was liking it. i squized her sexy breasts a little more. she shaked and smiled every time i did it.

[part four: me getting intense]

i wraped my hands around her waist, feeling her soft skin and slim figure. she paused from sucking my weiner and lied on the bed on her back. she grabed my waist and pulled it towards it. she positioned my hands on her butt cheecks, and i leaned as close to her body as possible. i licked her hot skin.