i have no ideas left... my best newsposts are left behind... and i'm still here, sobing... in a dark corner... having nothing to do and feeling sorry for myself...

oh and don't forget to congratulate me becaaaaaaaause... IT'S THE 50th NEWSPOST ANNIVERSERY!!!!!!!!! that's what makes this the best newspost ever!

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so, for the special occasion, i prepared a super epic awesome list of smileys. enjoy

sad: :(
happy: :)
angry: >:(
muted: :X
scared: <:O
winking: ;)
grumpy: ):(
suprised: :O
wide smile: :]
very happy: :D
mischievous: >:)
expressionless: :I
a smiley with sunglasses: 8)
a smiley who is sticking his tongue out: :p
a smiley who is laughing so hard that he died: XD
a smiley who is laughing at another person's pain: >:D

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TIME FOR A BREAK!!!!!1 seeing as i have 31,000 letters left i'll post something more! like a quiz or somethin

--------------------------------------

1. what thing am i afraid the most?
A. *the answer is closed down for repairs*
B. *the answer is closed down for repairs*
C. *the answer is closed down for repairs*
D. *the answer is closed down for repairs*
E. smelly old shit

2. what is a "banana"?
A. an alien race
B. a name of a famous writer
C. your favorite edible item
D. you don't wanna know
E. the thing you are most afraid off

3. how do you get an elephant in the fridge?
A. lol
B. mission impossible
C. push really hard
D. you open the door, put the elephant in, close the door
E. you open the door, put the penis in, close the door

4. how do you get a tiger in the fridge
A. same as before only with tiger
B. stupid question
C. you forgot to leave a question mark for this question
D. you open the door, take the elephant out, put the tiger in, close the door
E. me is stupid end does nut know such complicated quastions

5. what is a abcdefghijklmnop?
A. not a real word
B. i'm afraid that i don't speak your language
C. the first 13 letters of the alphabet
D. the first 12 letters of the alphabet
E. this question is too hard, i'm leaving

6. king of the jungle lion called a meeting of the animals, but one of them wasn't there. who?
A. everybody is there, you are just trying to trick me again
B. a dinosaur, because they are extinct
C. a penisaur, because they are extinct
D. the tiger because it's still in the fridge
E. ONE OF THEM ISN'T THERE?!

7. what thing is the weirdest in the world?
A. my stupidity
B. your stupidity
C. it's how complicated life is
D. MY BRAIN
E. pop up windows

8. you come to a river filled with large hungry crocodiles, but you need to get across. what do you do?
A. i scream and the crocodiles will get scared of me and swim away
B. i swim and reach the other side with a small part of my body
C. there is no such river in the hole wide world
D. i just swim because all the crocodiles are at the meeting with the lion
E. i pay someone to do it

9. how does a big pile of shit get across a river?
A. by beeing in my pocket
B. it doesn't
C. by getting thrown to the other side
D. why does a pile of shit need to get to the other side of the river?
E. i pay someone to do it

10. what is the 25th letter in the alphabet?
A. the alphabet doesn't have that many letters
B. A
C. Z
D. Y
E. what is an alpabet?!

if you want you should answer the questions and be victorious! (it's like getting points from medals here at newgrounds but no one notices it, it isn't on your user page and it's a hunded times less cooler but what the heck)

1 question: 1 point
2 question: 1 point
3 question: 1 point
4 question: 2 points
5 question: 2 points
6 question: 2 points
7 question: 3 points
8 question: 3 points
9 question: 3 points
10 question: 4 points

p.s. the answers are in one of my previous posts. try to find them IF YOU DARE

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GOD DAMNIT THAT WAS SO AWESOME AND SHIT. oooooh look at that i still have 29,000 letters left! oh shit that's a huge number. ignoring such an outstandingly big number, i am going to make sure that there will be 0 letters left so be prepeared for AWESOMENESS!!!!!!!!1 so how's about i introduce you to my schedule:

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HA! i haven't got a shedule! but since it's a special occasion and all i will make one right now (i get mixed up with A.M.s and P.M.s so everything before 12:00 to 00:00 is A.M. and P.M. is everything after 12:00 to 24:00 you got that BITCHES)(oh i'm just kiding i love you guys)(NOT love you guys in the gay way but love you guys as in i love you people sort of way)

ANYWAY here is my schedule:

06:00 - wake up
06:05 - get out of bed
06:06 - dress up
06:10 - go clean my hideously rotten teeth (note that i only do this once a month ussualy at that time i watch tv)
06:15 - feed my pet cat
06:20 - kill my pet cat and go buy a dog
06:40 - kill the dog and buy a cat again (so that i could kill him tomorrow)
07:00 - eat some left over cheese and spaghetti
07:10 - fill my briefcase with important work reports
07:12 - go to work (sometime it's banker and sometimes it's janitor)(banker this time)
07:50 - meet first client and offer him full compensation (whatever the situation is)
08:30 - go steel stuff from fellow workers
08:40 - get hit in the head by fellow workers
08:45 - get thrown out the window by fellow workers (yes, they do this EVERY DAY)
08:50 - sue fellow workers for doing that
11:00 - get thrown into jail by loosing law suit to fellow workers
11:30 - eat some jail grub
12:00 - get fucked by some gay guy in my cell (yes, he does this EVERY DAY)
15:00 - finish getting fucked by some gay guy in my cell
15:30 - go thank my mom who payed for my freedom
15:40 - go back to work
16:00 - go to bosses office for missing half of work
16:10 - punch boss in the face
16:11 - get punched in the nuts by boss
16:12 - fall down on the floor from punch to the nuts (yes, i do this EVERY DAY)
16:13 - suffer in pain and agony from punch to the nuts
16:15 - get out of bosses office
16:20 - get out of work
16:25 - buy some grub for tomorow
16:30 - get home
16:40 - go do sex with boss for punching him in the face (yes we do this EVERY DAY)
16:42 - get naked and jump into bed with boss (oh and for the record my boss is a guy, scary, huh?)
18:00 - finish sex with boss and kick him out of my house
18:05 - go watch porn channel
20:00 - finish watching porn channel (for 2 hours!) and go to bed
20:05 - try to forget sex with boss
20:10 - turn on tv and watch EVEN MORE PORN
24:00 - turn off tv and go to sleep

--------------------------------------

well thats it for my every day schedule. oh god i still have 26,000 letters left... i think i will post some more quiz questions (don't even bother to answer these, just answer the ones above because you will not get points from answering these bonus questions. instead, if you DO answer these questions i will REVEAL the secret link that leads to total madness and eye burning pain. wonderful, right? oh and i will not only reveal the SECRET LINK OF HORROR but i will give you nifty prises, too!)

1. what is in my pocket at this very moment?
A. how should i suposed to know that?!
B. garbage
C. porn magazine
D. gum
E. my car keys. oh and you do realize you have to give those back, huh?

2. what is an opoopo?
A. it's proof that you can't spell normaly
B. your name backwards
C. porn magazine
D. someone who got his legs choped off
E. that's the name of your penis. hello, spoildmilk's penis!

3. what is a petrol?
A. HAHA YOU SPELLED IT WRONG!
B. an uncountable noun. which means that you made a grammar mistake in that sentence. is that enough irony for yah?
C. a name of the trajectory which protons fly into to escape beeing pulverized by neutrons
D. oh shit i don't know.
E. that's the name of your penis. hello, spoildmilk's penis!

and no, there are no answers to these questions in one of my previous newsposts. SO DON'T EVEN BOTHER LOOKING. ok so here are....... THE REWARDS! if you get all the questions correct that is.

1. a naked babe that i will send to you in a PM (and so it will be your personal play toy)
2. a super duper awesome poem by your's truly that i will send to you in a PM!
3. THE LINK OF ETARNAL HORROR. so prepare for madness.

--------------------------------------

WOW WASN'T THAT WONDERFUL. and now, time to check out how many letters i still got to use up! OH MY DEAR GOD 24,000 LETTERS! holy crap this is going to be a looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooooooong newspost.

--------------------------------------

plz check out newspost #36 it is special because it actually has 100 comments. woot

special thanks to: lotsofpain

--------------------------------------

anyway, here is some more crap:

- awww SH*T
- what's the matter?
- i just saw this commercial and it said that students who don't pass school get f**king jobs!
- well, duh
- my life can't end like this! you gotta help me!
- and how exactly is that possible?
- well, you can bring answers to tests or somethin
- k, i will see what i can do.
[tomorrow]
- DUDE, WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG?! THE TEST IS ABOUT TO START!!!
- dude, chill. i took some time cuz i had to go jerk off
- f**k, we don't have time for this!!! just give me the answers!!!!
[grabs paper]
- no wait, that's not the...
Teacher: - HEY YOU RETARDS NO TALKING
- f**k. he took the wrong papers. i just hope that the teacher doesn't see what he took. it's even worse than when the teacher caughts ppl with answers
[during the test]
- hmmm... how to devide fractions? i can't remember... looks like a good time to look at those answers...
[looks at paper]
- omg... OMG... OH MAH GAWD... DUDE?!... WHAT IS THIS?!
- i tried to tell you those were not the answers... but you did not listen and took those pictures with porn...
- aw man now i don't have the answers AND the teacher can caught me with this porn...
- sorry man, but i cant help you, i'm doing the test.
- hmmm.... how to get answers.... i got it! can you let me copy your test?
- dude, i didn't even study. i wouldn't be surprised if i get a D or something
- oh sh*t! i need to find a solution... JOEY! do you have answers?
Joey: - PISS OFF LOSER I STILL RENEMBER YOU EGGING MY HOUSE AFTER SCHOOL YESTERDAY
- oh yeah... BOB, do you have answers to the test?
Bob: f**k you faggot, i remember you hacking my website
- sh*t, everyone is being meanies...
Teacher: - AND WHAT IS THIS?!
- ahhhh, this is..... uhhh.... my mom... yeah, thats it! thats my mom!
Teacher: - BUT WHY IS SHE NAKED IN ALL OF THESE PHOTOS?!
- because... uh..... those pictures were taken with an x-ray, and everyone knows that x-rays show through clothes and stuff... you know...
Teacher: - OK, I GUESS SO, BUT I'M KEEPING... I MEAN CONFISCATING THESE SEXY... I MEAN SEXIST PHOTOS!...
- ok, teacher.
- hey, he took my porn!
- f**k your porn and f**k you too! you were supposed to get the answers, remember?!
- well, i can't help it if i'm a porn addicted retard!
[bangs head at table]
- oh come on cheer up, things don't look that bad!
Teacher: OH AND BECAUSE YOU BROUGHT NON-SCHOOL MATERIAL TOO CLASS YOU ARE DECREASED BY TWO MARKS!
[bangs head at table]
- ok... maybe things are looking bad...

oh man i red this damn thing so much times that it got a thousand times less cool than it was before. geez

--------------------------------------

have you been counting how much brakes i have writen so far? i haven't. there will be lots of them always informing of how much letters left. so, let's check on those letters. omfg it's still OVER 9000!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!! like, 21,000. god i am starting to hate this. anyway, here is another dialogue, enjoy

--------------------------------------

why hello, and welcome to accistant murder company. what would you like to do today?

KILL MYSELF

OMG! are you sure?!

YES.

but, do you really whant to kill yourself?

YES.

oh no! well, i give you a chance. say no!

YES.

yes to what? saying "no" or about killing yourself?

YES.

wha?

YES.

ah, forget this. just don't kill yourself man, its the wrong thing to do!

I WANNA KILL MYSELF.

NO NO NO! please say no! you can't do this!

I AM NEVER GOING TO SAY NO TO KILLING MYSELF.

ok smart guy, it says on my contract that if you kill yourself, i loose my job! are you sure that you whant to go on?

YES.

OH COME ON! life is beautiful, why are you trying to end it?!

JUST SHUT UP.

F**K THIS DUDE! IF YOU KILL YOURSELF YOU ARE GOING TO RUIN MY LIFE, SO SPARE BOTH OF OUR LIFES!!! STOP THIS RIGHT NOW!!!

NO.

F**K, DUDE!!! plz plz plz don't do this! think about others!!!

NO.

man, this is getting BORING. please stop or... i will kill your familly!

CHA CHA. DON'T MAKE ME LAUGH.

OH NO NO NO NO NO YOU CAN'T KILL YOURSELF I SWARE BY GOD THAT I WILL STOP YOU FROM KILLING YOURSELF!!!

YOU WILL DO NO SUCH THING.

i will stop you even if it means... KILLING MYSELF!!!

DON'T BE FOOLISH.

ok ok ok... but think about it! if you kill yourself... you will never be able to win a milion bucks at a lottery!

I HAVE ALLWAYS HAD BAD LUCK.

ok... you talked me into it... here's a knife... but i will only give it to you if you swear not to kill yourself!

SCREW THIS, GIVE ME THE F**KING KNIFE.

NEVER!!! I WILL NEVER GIVE YOU A TOOL THAT YOU CAN USE TO KILL YOURSELF!!!

GIVE ME THAT KNIFE RIGHT NOW.

sure... here you go....

FINALY![stab]

OH SH*T!!! WHAT HAVE I DONE!!! CALL THE MEDICAL SERVICES!!! CALL AN AMBULANCE!!! A MAN IS ON THE FLOOR AND IS BLEEDING!!! SOMEBODY HELP!!!

HEY, WTF! THIS KNIFE IS MADE OUT OF PLASTIC! DO YOU THINK THIS IS A JOKE?!

yes, infact i think it is. ummm... do you still want to kill yourself?

F**K YOU! AND F**K THIS KNIFE! I'M GETTING OUT OF HERE!

phew... he left... HE LEFT... YES! I WIN! I AM THE GREATEST!

--------------------------------------

well wasn't that crazy. i LOLed so hard when i created and red this the first time. (yes, these dialogues are from my past newsposts) but now they are getting old *yawn* :(. ANYWAY we still have an amazingly big number of letters left, omg. the big number will be revealed after this outstandingly awesome story which takes place in... some shit town... thing. AH I DUNNO IT JUST HAPPENED, OK?! or maybe it happened in an unknown teritory. but i bet you are thinking: WELL IT'S TIME TO SHUT UP AND REVEAL THE DAMN THING!!!!! if so, then here it is:

--------------------------------------

today we join on two litle *hick* drunk teenagers who makesome shiiiiit happen *pukes*:

"hey duuuuude sup?!" - says drunk teenager #1

"ah i just drank a couple beerzzz *pukes* ok ok ok i drank 1... 2... 3... 17 beerz" - says drunk teenager #2

"no way you drunkenf *hick* 47 beerz duuuude!!!"

"no way maaaan i drank 17 you dranjk 26 thatz why ayou are zo fuckeduop"

"i'm fuckedup?! your iz morre fuckEdUp!!!"

"ok ok juzst hand me your penisz *pukes* oopz i mean the beer hand *hick* me a beer"

"no way maaaan you will drink it too muchzs you iz bad bad realy baddb"

"i don't drink thart bagd now your juzt shitty"

"shutz uop or i willl *pukes* smaszh your kissar"

"COME OUN THAN"

"*takes out baseball bat* OK THAN I WILL FACK YOUU UP"

and an amzing battle emerges. drunk teenager #2 left a small mark on drunk teenager #1's face. drunk teenager #1 hits drunk teenager #2 with his baseball bat and he falls onto the ground slightly bleeding.

"HA!!! THAT WQILL FUUCK YOUU *

--------------------------------------

it's awesome that ppl can catch my best newspost on this one. it is the 50th newspost by the way. and if you think that the 50th newspost is awesome, you should wait for the 100TH NEWSPOST OMG.
anyway, let's take a look at those left over letters. oooooh they are decreasing with every sentence. BUT IT'S STILL 16,000 LETTERS LEFT. i hope this nuber drops soon because i'm runing out of catchy things to say. so i'm droping the number of letters left with this shit:

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[at the park]
- hello sir
- hello dear boy
- can i have that choco-bar of yours for 5 bucks?
- dear god! are you kidding? i will only sell it for 1000 cookies.
- dude! what the f**k?
- well than go get them at a bank or something
- sh*t!
[at the bank]
- hello, can i get a loan of 1000 cookie
- are you joking?
- no, i need 1000 cookies!
- are you crazy? cookies aren't even a currency!
- sh*t!
[at the bakery]
- uh, can i have 1000 cookies?
- are you sure you want that many?
- yes, i'm sure, what do i look like, some fag?
- ok, here's 1000 cookies. that would be 750 dollars, thank you
- are you f**king crazy?! 750 dollars?! do i look like i'm secretly printing money at home?!
- no cash, no cookies!
- sh*t!
[at the playground]
- hello, toddlers. can i have 1000 cookies?
- i haf one!
- that's a rock, you dick sh*t toddler!
- WAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
- OMG! stop crying! you're giving me a headache!
- WAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
- sh*t!
[at the cookie factory]
- can i have 1000 cookies, dear fellow?
- 1000 cookies?! what do i look like, a cookie factory?!
- no, but you make cookies AT a cookie factory
- here you go kid, one cookie. but don't tell anyone i gave it to ya
- 1 cookie? but i need 1000 cookie!
- sorry kid, i am not allowed to steal from the country's supply of delicious cookies
- sh*t!
[at the park]
- ok, you f**king fag, i wasn't able to get your f**king 1000 cookies
- then go back and get them!
- NO WAY! i'm stealing that choco-bar!
[grabs chocolate]
- OH DEAR GOD! this is a shiny turd that looks like a choco-bar! ewwww! SH*T!

--------------------------------------

today i tell this story that happened to me today:

those BASTARDS they finaly f**ked me up!!! it was a normal day outside and i as always was teasing toddlers at the playground, but suddenly some granny came and told me "young man, its not polite to pick on youger kids and blah blah blah..." and then i told her to f**k off and tried to leave but then the old bitch kicked me in my ankle!!! too bad that a cop was nearby and he said: "hey you punk, it's not polite to pick on old ladies and blah blah blah" and so i kicked that idiot cop in the nuts and then i ran away, but the cop was chasing me around town the hole afternoon till i ran out off breath and then he put his hand on my shoulder and he said: "you're coming with me, son", but i was all like get lost loser and then i threw a garbage can at him. then he fell on the ground (i think it was only because he was shocked by the awful smell) and then i ran away and like now i'm always inside my house and i'm afraid to go outside so like f**k...

--------------------------------------

i know W.O.R.D. combinations a lot of them actualy check it out:

lol: lots of laughter
wtf: what the fuck
ftw: fuck the what (it also means: fuck the world)
wttia: woh that thing is awesome
rotffmhb: rolling on the floor fucking my hot bitch
rlyfmo: retards like you freak me out
gays: go away you sicko
gaysw: go away you sick wacko
gaysoiwctc: go away you sicko or i will call the cops
itgiap: i think that guy is a pedo
yaar: you are a retard
dydsmp: don't you dare soil me pants

oh and i didn't make up these.

--------------------------------------

oh god NOOOOOOOOOO i still have 12,000 letters left and i'm starting to think that it's impossible to fill all those in so buh bye! and see you nest time.

You're now watching two strangers discuss your question!
Question to discuss:
Justin Bieber is so cute!
Stranger 2: O_O
Stranger 2: YOU DIE
Stranger 1: :s
Stranger 2: DIE IN A HOLE
Stranger 2 has disconnected

You're now watching two strangers discuss your question!
Question to discuss:
Justin Bieber is so cute!
Stranger 2: Ya like chicken?
Stranger 1: pardon me while i barf...
Stranger 2: AS CUTE AS MY MAMA
Stranger 2: HAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHA
Stranger 1 has disconnected

You're now watching two strangers discuss your question!
Question to discuss:
Justin Bieber is so cute!
Stranger 1: Rebecca Black is cuter
Stranger 2: yeah for a lesbain
Stranger 1: watch her new song, I got the weirdest boner right then
Stranger 2: gosh it is like picking the lesser of two pure evils
Stranger 2: she is like 13 you know
Stranger 1: aaaaand ?
Stranger 1: >:)
Stranger 2: just saying
Stranger 1: the fact she's 13 just makes it all even better
Stranger 2: she should not be driving cars
Stranger 2 has disconnected

You're now watching two strangers discuss your question!
Question to discuss:
Justin Bieber is so cute! Don't you people agree?
Stranger 2: I hope him and you die.
Stranger 2 has disconnected

You're now watching two strangers discuss your question!
Question to discuss:
Justin Bieber is so cute! Don't you people agree?
Stranger 2: no.
Stranger 1: Adooorable <333333
Stranger 1: no
Stranger 2: He's a little knob.
Stranger 1: I rather like my little knob...
Stranger 2: :P
Stranger 1: means I can wear smaller underpants...
Stranger 1: - Thick Kevin
Stranger 1: You haven't seen the boat that rocked?
Stranger 2: huh?::LL
Stranger 2: nope.
Stranger 1: WATCH IT
Stranger 1: It's one of the best movies ever
Stranger 1: seriously
Stranger 2: Might just give it a go(:
Stranger 2: So you really have a small penis?
Stranger 1: Nice, have a good time friend, have a good time... Hah I don't even have a penis
Stranger 2: Oh. LOL!
Stranger 1: Yes
Stranger 2 has disconnected

You're now watching two strangers discuss your question!
Question to discuss:
Justin Bieber
Stranger 1: lol
Stranger 2: DIEEE
Stranger 2: asll???
Stranger 1: seriously?
Stranger 1: why do people go for sex shit here of all places?
Stranger 2: nahh hes soundd
Stranger 1: there's fuckin video chat
Stranger 2: asl meanss if youre male or femlee
Stranger 2: location and agee
Stranger 1: it has terrible connotations
Stranger 1: but male, 16, england
Stranger 1: how about you?
Stranger 2 has disconnected

You're now watching two strangers discuss your question!
Question to discuss:
Justin Bieber
Stranger 1: Hate
Stranger 2: hate him!
Stranger 1: WOO
Stranger 2: WOO?
Stranger 1: Woo we both hate him
Stranger 2: oh that kind of woo :D
Stranger 1: no arguments because question person cant talk
Stranger 2: okay
Stranger 1: Gah them
Stranger 1: His hair is a lie
Stranger 1 has disconnected

You're now watching two strangers discuss your question!
Question to discuss:
cookies and onion dip
Stranger 1: awesome
Stranger 2: yum...?
Stranger 1: Burger king - Taste is king!
Stranger 2: MENTOS!!! gum!
Stranger 1: ftw
Stranger 1: as
Stranger 1: asl
Stranger 2 has disconnected

You're now watching two strangers discuss your question!
Question to discuss:
cookies and onion dip
Stranger 1: ew
Stranger 2: thats narsty
Stranger 1: poop and bannanas
Stranger 2: ass and cum
Stranger 1: =WINNING!!!
Stranger 2: bi-winning
Stranger 1: like charlie sheen winning
Stranger 2: YEAH
Stranger 1: im on a drug, and its called CHARLIE SHEEN!!!!!
Stranger 1: i use a blender!!!
Stranger 2: I'm on cocaine
Stranger 1: i smoke rocks #chapellesshow
Stranger 2: cool beans
Stranger 2 has disconnected

You're now watching two strangers discuss your question!
Question to discuss:
big tits are awesome, amirite?
Stranger 1: Yup
Stranger 1: :3
Stranger 2: not as good as a BIG ASS
Stranger 1: But any tits are awesome so yeah.
Stranger 1 has disconnected